I cannot restrain myself! I must comment on the poison-pen drivel that stained the pages of my newspaper last Tuesday. I'm referring to the "guest column" section in which a Mr. Donald Kaul, purportedly from Minute Man Media, sounded off about President Bush being idolized as an "action figure," like GI Joe.
First of all, I never cease to be astonished by the absolute hypocrisy and shamelessness of many left-wing media types, people who live in glass houses? Mr. Kaul was positively venomous in his attack, and he extended his ire to several other prominent Republican and conservative leaders. As a shamelessly opinionated right wing, Christian, conservative, redneck, I feel it is my right and my duty to respond in the interests of balance and fair play.
After eight years of Bill Clinton and Al Gore we are suddenly supposed to be outraged that President Bush landed on an aircraft carrier to welcome the troops home? Excuse me ... but Bill Clinton sent my son to Somalia, almost got him killed, and never welcomed him back home at all. I suppose he had other, more interesting things to worry about. You can always count on those "let's make love and not war" guys to do the right thing.
Mr. Kaul also put the bad mouth on George Will, to whit:"... the prissy, conservative columnist in a scholar's gown redolent of Oxford, where he spent the Vietnam War." Holy Cow ... I wonder if George Will ever got to meet Bill Clinton at Oxford "during the Vietnam War?" Perhaps he got to hear him commit what used to be called treason by trashing his country in a foreign land during time of war?
And, Mr. Kaul bashed Dan Quayle for being in the public information department of the Indiana National Guard. I guess Mr. Kaul expected everyone to be a real killer like his champion Al Gore who was a blood and guts third-string Army journalist. Mr. Gore even went to Vietnam for a little less than half-a-standard tour (just enough to touch base so he could say he'd been there). Be cause Albert The Great's father was a powerful Senator, Al Gore got his own bodyguard, helicopter, bunker, place at the General's table, and everything.
I feel cheated.
Mr. Kaul sneered at Ronald Reagan for his World War 11 service because he was: "...making training films for the Army while living at home with his wife, Jane Wyman."
It's too bad that Ronald Reagan didn't win a medal like ol' Tail Gunner Lyndon Johnson. Tail Gunner Lyndon, (he used the term himself more than once) was a Texas Congressman who joined the service and toured the Pacific as a VIP. His good buddy Douglas McArthur scratched his political back and presented him with a Silver Star, our nation's third highest decoration for gallantry under fire. Lyndon got the award for flying as an observer on a single bombing raid. The trouble is, the bomber he flew on aborted the mission before reaching enemy territory, dumped its bombs in the ocean, and returned to base without even sighting the enemy coast. No other crewmember on the plane got any sort of decoration or commendation, not even ice cream for lunch.
Unlike that pretender Ronald Reagan, ol' Tail Gunner Johnson came home a hero. He proudly wore his hard-earned Silver Star on his lapel while campaigning, and later sent half-a-million of us to Vietnam to teach those commies a lesson. What a guy! But then, of course, like a true Liberal Spartan, he later ducked and ran after he made such a mess of it - instead of facing the music like a man. Richard Nixon, like George Bush Jr., had to step in and clean up the mess.
And so ... If Mr. Kaul has a problem with Blue Box Toys making an action figure of President Bush in his rightfully-eamed flight suit, (Mr. Bush was, after all, a fighter pilot for the Texas National Guard) perhaps he would feel better if we extended the honor to some of his liberal friends. Lets see ... we could have my personal favorite, Tail Gunner Lyndon. Or, how about that brave Submarine Officer Jimmy Carter who surrendered to a third world banana republic dictator named Manuel Noriega and gave away the Panama Canal without a fight?
Or, how about that pencil packin' Al Gore? As an action figure, Al could come packaged like Barbie; only Ken would be his bodyguard. Or, we could memorialize the only action figure with any courage to come out of the Carter and Clinton administrations - Janet Reno.
But then of course, there's always that ultimate action hero, William Jefferson Clinton. Unfortunately, the kind of action our recent Commander In Chief was involved in during our forays in Vietnam, Somalia, The Balkans, World Trade Center # 1, Desert Storm, Yemen, Ruby Ridge, and Waco, would be too anatomically correct for small children.
Too bad, I'll bet he's a real stud in camo pajamas.