"I guess it's time to give up the guns," I said to Uncle Spud as we wandered through Wal-Mart's gun shop, looking at all the empty shelves.
"Looks like it," he agreed. "I haven't seen bullets, powder or lead since last November's election. That Obama is one heck of a gun salesman. Are you sure he doesn't work for Winchester or Remington on the side?"
"No, I don't think so. It's all about the children."
"Did children buy up all the bullets?" he asked with a startled look in his eye.
"No," I scolded. "Obama says we've got to give up our guns to keep the kids safe."
"That's why I've got a gun," he said. "To keep the kids and family safe."
"You don't understand," I argued. "Obama and Diane Feinstein say you and I are the reason kids are being killed."
"That's right. Some weirdo shot up a school in Connecticut a few months ago so we've got to give up our guns."
"I wasn't in Connecticut a few months ago."
"Doesn't matter. The madman in Connecticut had a gun. You and I have guns. That makes us guilty by association."
"I don't belong to any associations."
"What I mean is, you and I are guilty just because we own guns, don't you see?"
"Heck no," he shot back (pun intended). "If you follow that logic, having golf clubs makes me guilty of stepping out on my wife like Tiger Woods."
"Obama says maybe we can keep some of our guns, for now, if we just register them with the government."
"How does registering guns keep kids safe?"
"I'm not sure."
"Does registering cars stop drunk driving?
"I don't think so."
"If registering guns doesn't fix the problem, there must be another reason for registering guns," Spud said. "Everything I'm told to register with the government is regulated and taxed. Take my car, boat, and ATV, for examples. The Second Amendment says the right to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed. Registration, regulation and taxation are infringements. And, sex offenders must be registered. I haven't done anything to get registered for.
"If we're going to register gun owners because they pose a potential threat, why not register AIDS patients? They're a possible danger to society too. Why not register women who have abortions? Shouldn't we have a right to know if there's a woman in the neighborhood who kills babies? After all, registration is about saving kids. Right?"
"Then too, I'm old enough to remember that Hitler used 'commonsense' gun control as a way to disarm his German opposition. Registration is always the first step to confiscation."
"But Obama says registration is a way for everybody to have a background check to see if they really should, or should not, own a gun."
"Who gets to decide who can and who can't have a gun?"
"Eric Holder's justice department. The people who gave unregistered assault rifles to the Mexican drug cartels and used the IRS to spy on the administration's political opponents and deny them equal justice."
"Do they think we're stupid?"
"I've already passed my background check," Spud growled. "I'm a hundred and six years old. I've packed a gun since Brigham Young was a Deacon. In all of those hundred and six years, I've never committed murder, mayhem, armed robbery, assault with a deadly weapon or disturbing the peace. With all of the computers the feds have nowadays, if they can't find me on their criminal database, I must be clean. That's all the background check Mr. Obama really needs. Unless, of course, there is something else on his agenda."
By the way, what's this stuff about the Department of Homeland Security buying almost two BILLION rounds of ammunition and enough assault rifles to equip an army division? They're not part of the Army, National Guard, or even a major police network like the FBI. How, where and when do they expect to use their new weapons and BILLIONS of bullets?
No wonder we can't find ammo in Wal-Mart.
The Sun Advocate welcomes Tom McCourt back to writing a column for the papers opinion page. His piece will run the second and fourth Tuesdays of the month. McCourt is the author of six books, including To Be A Soldier and The Split Sky.