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Front Page » November 7, 2006 » Opinion » Wasatch Behind: Uncle Spud's vote counts
Published 3,257 days ago

Wasatch Behind: Uncle Spud's vote counts

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"Did you vote this morning?" I asked Uncle Spud.

"Do daddy pigs bring home the bacon?" he smiled. "Of course I voted. I haven't missed voting since Abraham Lincoln was elected scorekeeper for the Chicago Bruins."

"Abe Lincoln was scorekeeper for the Chicago Bruins?"

"Yea, but it wasn't much of a job. They were a lousy team. He was complaining about it when he muttered those famous words, "four scores and seven years ago."

"Sounds like some sports teams I know," I smiled.

"So," I asked, "what is your political affiliation? Are you a registered Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, Socialist, Green Party activist, Left-wing radical, Right-wing religious fanatic, Communist pinko, Femi-nazi, cornbread conservative, or limousine liberal?"

"I vote for the candidate and not the party," he said with an air of perfect righteousness.

"So who did you vote for this year?" I asked cautiously.

"Roosevelt," he said.

"Excuse me?" I muttered.

"I voted for Franklin Delano Roosevelt," he said. "I vote for him every year."

"FDR has been dead since 1945," I said with some dismay.

"That doesn't matter," he growled. "I vote for him anyway."

"But he hasn't been on a ballot since 1944," I offered.

"Still doesn't matter," he said. "I liked him and I still vote for him. So do a lot of my friends."

"Sometimes you worry me," I said.

"So if you voted for FDR again this year, what is his platform?" I asked. "What does he stand for and what is he going to do for our country?"

"It's called the New Deal," he responded quickly. "A car in every driveway and a chicken in every pot. He's saving us from the great depression."

"The great depression ended with World War II," I said.

"I know," he purred. "Isn't FDR wonderful?"

"But things have changed since 1944," I said. "We have a whole new set of problems to solve and new threats to face. I don't think FDR has much control over what happens today."

"Doesn't matter," he said smugly. "Loyalty is a virtue and I'm true blue loyal."

"Lots of true blue states out there," I agreed.

"By the way," he said with a raised eyebrow. "Who did you vote for?"

"I'm not stuck in the 1930s like you," I answered. "I voted for Teddy Roosevelt, FDR's cousin."

"You're out of your mind," he said. "Teddy Roosevelt hasn't been on a ballot since 1912 when he ran as the Bull Moose Candidate for President. He died in 1919. Why are you voting for him?'

"I like his style," I said. "You know, speak softly and carry a big stick. Teddy charged up San Juan Hill and had grizzly bear rugs on the walls of his white house office. He was a real man, not like some of those soft-shoe sissies running for office nowadays."

"So we do have something in common when it comes to politics," Uncle Spud smiled. "We both like Roosevelts."

"We do," I agreed. "And we can combine our efforts. From now on, be sure to vote for the Roosevelt of your choice by punching the "R" button on the new electronic voting machines. You can vote a straight Roosevelt ticket that way if you want," I smiled.

"I'll do it," he said.

"By the way," he added, "I heard that John Kerry got a new job as publicity agent for the Dixie Chicks. Do you know anything about that?"

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