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Front Page » January 8, 2013 » Opinion » Take that fruit cake and throw it
Published 662 days ago

Take that fruit cake and throw it


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By RICHARD SHAW
Sun Advocate publisher

The world didn't end on Dec. 21, although some who were predicting it are now saying that they were wrong because they forgot to take into account the difference in how the Mayans calculated time. Now they are saying the end will come sometime later this year instead.

The country didn't fall off the fiscal cliff either, because in part (a very little part) Congress acted to keep it from being such a precipitous fall. Now we are just driving real fast down a steep hill, out of control.

The dire predictions didn't happen, but you probably still got a fruitcake for the holidays.

At least there is something sure in life.

I have never really seen the problem people have with fruitcakes; like any other food they have their detractors and their champions. The problem is that people really only make them once a year, and they don't get to practice getting them right. And guinea pigs to test their recipes on, are everywhere.

Now my mother used to make a fruitcake that I loved. My wife also makes that same fruitcake, but this year we didn't put one together.

Unfortunately, many people's fruitcakes are not what one would call delicious. And the ones you buy in the cans or wrapped in plastic from the store usually just don't make if far before they end up in the hog trough or garbage can.

So each person reading this probably has some version of a fruitcake still in their house. Many don't dare throw it away (because it is food, in a fashion) or they fear that the person that gave it to them might see it poking out of the top of their garbage can before the trash day truck can arrive.

Because fruitcakes so often end up not where they were intended by the giver, it seems that people also like to ask about the fruitcakes they gave away.

"Did you like that fruitcake I gave you for Christmas?" they ask. Then they continue. "I put in all this good stuff. It has every kind of nut in the world in it, special fruit from the tropics, cheese from Sheyboygan, Wis., old tires from the Utah County Landfill, rocks from Death Valley,. etc. etc. etc."

What to do. You may not be able to eat it (literally because it is so hard or figuratively because it tastes bad), but there must be something that can be done with it that could be productive.

Well we at the Sun Advocate have come up with something you can use that old fruitcake for. On Jan. 26, we will be having a fruitcake extravaganza.

The idea came from the little known fact that Jan. 3 is (or now was) national Fruitcake Toss Day. We just couldn't get organized that quickly after the end of the year and besides we wanted to honor the fruitcake in all its glory on a Saturday so a lot of people could come and pay homage to that lowly loaf of yuk.

So on Jan. 26, in Sutherlands parking lot in Price the store and our paper are having a contest that will consist of three events.

The first is a hand fruitcake toss. We will be awarding a pretty good prize to the person who can throw the fruitcake they bring with them the farthest. There will be some rules for how this will be done published in next weeks edition of the paper.

Next will be a fruitcake relay race. We will time the event as teams of four people run a 100 yard course with a fruitcake on a bread board (both of which we will supply for consistency) through a survival course without dropping the fruitcake on the ground. There will be no touching it with your fingers or any other body part either. Each of member of the winning four person team will be awarded a prize.

Third, bring your own fruitcake art. Whatever creation you can come up with a fruitcake (or fruitcakes) as the center of an art piece. our contest team will judge. Prizes will be given for the top two pieces of art as is determined by the judges.

And for those of you who just want to watch the goings on, you can also bring fruitcakes and use them to get $10 off a yearly, in-county subscription on the spot. This applies to both new subscriptions and renewals.

The extravaganza will take place between Noon and 3 p.m. If the weather is bad (we mean snow and wind, not just the cold) we will delay it until the next week on Feb. 2. Preregistration forms for the events will be in the paper next week.

So heres the chance for you to get rid of those holiday fruitcakes and if you win you can tell the person that gave it to you that it was so good you were able to trade it for a top notch prize.

If you lose, well we will be discreet about how it is disposed of.

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January 8, 2013
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