The Wasatch Behind: the Rocky road to peace
Last weekend, Utah's famous flower child, Rocky Anderson, mayor of Salt Lake City and self-appointed conscience of the intermountain west, spoke at several anti-war rallies in our nation's capitol. The TV people loved it. Rocky railed against the war, the Bush administration, and those nasty war mongers in congress who are putting our soldiers at risk in this "unjust" and "immoral" war. Rocky is building a national image for himself. We should expect him to make a bid for the senate, or even president, in the years to come. I wish him the best.
I'm for peace too. I hate wars. In fact, I'm sure that almost everyone in America is for peace. Our soldiers who face the terrorist thugs in Iraq and Afghanistan are for peace. The people who were on those hijacked airliners on 9-11 were for peace. The people with clothes on fire who jumped from the top of the World Trade Center were certainly for peace. The tens of thousands of people from all over the world who have been blown apart by suicide bombers were for peace. And even the journalists who had their heads chopped off on TV were for peace.
And so, since we're all for peace, I agree with Rocky. Let's have peace. Let's cut funding for the war, bring our troops home, beat our swords into plowshares, spend our entire defense budget on social programs, and be peaceful. We can all hang out, wear flowers in our hair, smoke a little dope, and everything will be groovy.
Let's impeach President Bush for taking us to war. What a reckless and irresponsible thing to do, especially since the 9-11 terrorists killed only 3000 people in a nation of 300 million. That's only .00001 percent of the population. More people get killed in bathtub accidents every year. What's the big deal? Turn the other cheek, I always say. Roosevelt should have been impeached for his wild overreaction to Pearl Harbor too, not to mention that disgusting war monger, Winston Churchill.
I want our whole country to be peaceful, tolerant, and non-judgmental, especially toward the Muslim fanatics who have vowed to kill us all. Live and let live, I always say. Let's stick to killing unborn babies and let the terrorists be. Maybe the terrorists will learn to like us if we appease them and make lots of concessions. Where's a man like Neville Chamberlain when we need him?
I also think it's time we stopped "interfering" in the Middle East by buying oil from the Arabs. Oil causes wars. We can get our gas from Caesar Chavez in Venezuela. He might charge $22.00 per gallon since he will have us over a barrel, but it will be worth it if we don't have to drill in our own country. We've got to be at peace with the environment too. It won't matter if it ruins our economy and no one has a job anymore. We can live on love.
And, it's time to stop "meddling" in the affairs of other nations. We can begin by being peaceful and not taking sides. Let the chips fall where they may. We shouldn't "impose" our values on anyone. Let the rest of the world live in slavery. Let Israel face the dragon of Islam by themselves. Let Europe become an Islamic state. Does it matter that the Jihadis have vowed to destroy all western nations and annihilate the non-Muslim population? It's their choice. We shouldn't interfere. Too bad if you have to wear a berka to sunbathe in the south of Spain or wear a turban to visit the Eiffel Tower. It won't affect us because we won't be able to visit those places anyway. We'll be prisoners in our own country, unable to travel for fear of being kidnapped and beheaded for worshiping the wrong God. But then, Christianity is too judgmental for most of us tolerant peace-lovers anyway, so it won't matter.
And when the terrorists have nuclear weapons, and when the massed armies of millions of Mohammed's finest stand before our gates, we can do what true peace-lovers have always done. We can surrender and convert. Better red than dead, I always say. Or in this case, better berka'd than beheaded. But then, there goes the anti-war party in the park with all the booze, pork rinds, happy weed, and free love. None of that stuff in militant Islam.